Casino Gambling Puns

I tried gambling with one of the big cats at the zoo and lost everything. I think it was a cheetah! I loved eating chips until they banned me from the casino; Why are huge maps not good at poker? They always fold; A Few Out-Of-The-Box Gambling Anecdotes. Jokes and puns aren’t the only things that can bring life to a long gambling game. A: In a casino, you really mean it! Q: How can you tell if a poker player is bluffing? A: His chips are moving. Q: When is the only time you split tens in BlackJack? A: When the table is full and your buddies need a seat. Q: What kind of shark is always gambling? A: A CardShark Q: Why isn't gambling allowed in Africa? A: Because of all the cheetahs. Gambling jokes that are not only about casino but actually working debts puns like I know how to make a small fortune from gambling and A joke I heard at mass Gambling Jokes Following is our collection of vegas puns and gamble one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Casino & gambling riddles Solving riddles can be as rewarding as a winning hand of blackjack with the basic strategy. We’ve decided to take a look at some of the most common riddles about gambling and casinos and detail the answers below.

1. Casino Gambling Problem
2. Casino And Gambling Puns
3. Casino Gambling Pictures

My girlfriend left me because of my gambling addiction. She claimed I was an idiot.

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📅︎ Jul 18

What do you call a herd of cows gambling at a marijuana dispensary?

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📅︎ Jun 21

I sold all my body parts to feed my gambling addiction.

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📅︎ Jun 07

What do you call the toilet of a king with a gambling addiction?

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📅︎ Mar 17

They told me “you gotta know how to hold em, and how to fold em.”

🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️Dad out.

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📅︎ Jan 04

I'm heartbroken. The Wife broke up with me because of my chronic gambling issues.

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📅︎ Feb 25

... why do they call it para-dice?

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📅︎ Feb 20

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📅︎ Oct 02 2019

I'm gonna bet you 50 bucks that I am no longer addicted to gambling

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📅︎ Dec 01 2019

Where can you look up the definitions of drug abuse, alcoholism, and problem gambling?

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📅︎ Nov 08 2019

I bet them I could go longer than them without gambling.

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📅︎ Jul 10 2019

I was talking to my gambling friend. I told him that I went to the races with my wife.

'Did you win?' he asked.

'Of course not,' I replied. 'We didn't even run.'

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📅︎ May 09 2019

Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better

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📅︎ Feb 13 2019

I tried opening a casino even though gambling was outlawed

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📅︎ Apr 06 2019

My gambling addicted brother has been missing for a while. Last we saw him he lost his life savings in a game of poker.

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📅︎ Jan 20 2019

you poker

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📅︎ Dec 29 2018

a casino was offering free mexican food for all who lost more than $50 in gambling

this is because its clearly nacho lucky day if you lost that much

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📅︎ Nov 12 2018

'I wish you would stop gambling!' I shouted at my son.

'You're no better yourself!' he snapped.

I said, 'Exactly. That's why I don't encourage it.'

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📅︎ Jan 12 2019

When did Adam & Eve discover God didn't like gambling?

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📅︎ Jun 06 2018

Did you hear about the buddhist monk with a huge gambling problem?

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📅︎ Sep 24 2017

High steaks

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📅︎ Sep 02 2017

Too many damn cheetahs.

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📅︎ Jun 25 2013

That Coldplay song must be about a girl with a serious craps/gambling addiction.

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📅︎ Feb 09 2016

My dad occasionally likes to go gambling in Atlantic City...

Me: How did you like Atlantic City?

Dad: It was great! I came home with a small fortune!

Me: Wow! How did you manage that?

Dad: Well, I left home with a large fortune.

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📅︎ Aug 01 2015

My friend was just about done gambling and he said this.

Friend: well I guess I'm done.Dealer: alright I can color you up if you want.friend gives the dealer his chipsFriend: I'm going to need what Obama promised us Americans?Dealer: what?Friend:'change'Dealer:....

Our other friend started laughing too hard and had to leave the area.

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📅︎ Aug 26 2014

Because there are too many cheetahs.

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📅︎ Jul 16 2013

(got this from my dad, in a chain email no less.)

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

Casino Gambling Problem

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks!

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📅︎ Aug 14 2014

'What's the one answer to the question 'Gambling Problem?' you don't want to hear?

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📅︎ Dec 31 2013

Too many Cheetahs!

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📅︎ Dec 17 2013

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December 3, 2020 Tony Christopher

Having a great sense of humour is essential when you live life under pressure. Gamblers wear the serious poker face during tournaments, but behind the mask, most of them are great to be around. We collected casino stories, gambling jokes, and some card jokes from the playrooms. Some of them are based on true stories, while others are completely fictional. Either way, the stories are hilarious.

Our collection of funny jokes about gambling comes from casinos and gambling rooms from all over the world. We made this list with the intention of fun and entertainment. No offence meant – it is all just for laughs. As always, any resemblance with real events and people is unintentional.

Jokes About Gambling are Everywhere

1. Card Jokes & One-Liners

Our listing starts with a few clever one-liners, card jokes, and some funny quotes from the gambling humor world. The next lines hold wisdom and gambling experience synthesised in a few sentences. Some are so roasty and perfectly awkward that they are worthy to of being called dad jokes.

• Two gamblers walk out of a casino. One of them is completely naked and the other one has only his underwear. The naked one says: “That’s why I respect you – you know when to quit.”
• Nobody is always a winner, and anybody who say he is, is either a liar or doesn’t play poker.
• I couldn’t hit a river if I fell out of the boat.
• I am going to open an international casino in the Mariana Trench. – Then I can be the world’s biggest pit boss.
• I asked a caveman if he wants to play poker with me. He said, “Deal, me in!”
• Money isn’t everything … unless you’re playing in a rebuy tournament
• Poker in the wild west. The dealer jumps and points a gun at the players: “I hate cheeters! Why do you have cards I have not dealt yet?”
• If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time.
• Poker has the only river in the world you can drown in more than once.
• There’s a reason you lie in poker… you can’t always be the best player at the table.

2. Gambling Roasting & Dark Humour

Dark humour jokes have some of the most hilarious casino jokes you could hear if you have the stomach for them. We sifted through the hundreds of gambling dark humour stories to find the best ones. The result is a shortlist of polished and carefully hand-picked jokes about gamblers. If you find yourself easily offended, please, skip to the next section. If not, well, enjoy!

Four friends are playing cards. One of them brought his kid to the game. The child is bored and starts walking around, looking at the players’ cards. Last cards the child looked at are the father’s cards.

Child: Dad, is it good to have four Aces?

Dad: Yes, son.

The rest of the players fold, and the father collects the pot.

Child: Too bad you didn’t have them.

***

“Superman, Baba Yaga, the Smart cop, and the Stupid cop are playing cards. There was a large pile of money on the table when the lights went out. When they switched on the lights, the money is gone.

Question: Who stole the money?

Answer: The Stupid cop, the rest are fictional characters.”

***

God is good. Not to you, though.

***

Casino And Gambling Puns

Yesterday I played poker with a deck of Tarot Cards. I got a full house, and four people died.

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The invisible man, the werewolf, and Dracula played poker. They tried to get the mummy to play, but he had no skin in the game. The invisible man tried to bluff, but the rest saw right through him. Dracula ended up bleeding them dry, leaving the werewolf howling mad.

***

A couple of cows were smoking joint and playing cards… the steaks were pretty high.

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“Two men are celebrating a card winning. One of them asks:

“I have always wondered how come you never have luck in horse racing bets, but you always win with cards.”

“Because I can’t hide a horse up my sleeve.”

***

A man joins Gamblers Anonymous. He’s given three-to-one odds he won’t make it.

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I opened the door and saw my wife was angry. She screamed at me:

“You gambled and lost the rent again!”

Me: “The aliens took it!”

***

A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk get arrested for illegal gambling. They get in front of the judge. He starts questioning the priest first:

“Did you play poker yesterday?”

The priest mumbles a quick lord forgive me and answered “No.”

The judge turns to the rabbi and asks him:

“Did you play poker yesterday?”

The rabbi crosses his fingers behind his back and answers a clear “No”.

Finally, the judge turns to the Buddhist monk and tells him:

“So, you are a Buddhist monk, I know for a fact that you are absolutely not allowed to lie to me. Did you play poker yesterday?”

The monk looks at the priest, then at the rabbi. He smiles at the judge and asks

“How could I possibly play poker all by myself?”

3. Gambling Stories

Most of the gambling jokes are based on real events. The following real gambling stories have clever one-liners and interesting life lessons. Sometimes gambling humor proves that when Lady Luck taps you on the shoulder, you should play like it is the last thing you will ever do.

• An old gambler is teaching his son to play cards: “First, never play cards. Second, never choose spades as a trump card.”
• A grandma won 154 times playing craps. It was Patricia Demauro’s second time playing craps. She walked in the casino, picked the orange dice, and rolled it. In four and a half hours, she had broken two world records. The first for most successive dice rolls without having a “seven out”, and the second for longest craps roll. The exact amount of the winning was never announced.
• “A Gambler is nothing but a man who makes his living out of false hope.” William Bolitho
• It is a gambling problem only if you are losing.
• I ordered a bunch of second-hand card decks from a casino a month ago. I haven’t received any. When I asked the casino for an update, they said that they are still dealing with it.
• “The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
• My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realised she just wanted to do the laundry. So, I folded.
• “Show me a gambler, and I’ll show you a loser.” Mario Puzo
• I walked into a casino and walked out at the end of the night rich! It’s great being the owner.
• All major casinos are complaining about how much money they have lost. – Now they know how you feel.

4. Card Memes & Funny Pictures

This section is dedicated to card memes based on casino jokes and card jokes and puns. Online there are hundreds of pictures and comics based on jokes about gambling. We chose six of the many and listed them below. We do not hold the rights over the images or the depicted gambling humor. They are free for commercial use, and you can even create your own meme through a free online Meme Maker.

• “Can’t get gambling addiction when you got no money to gamble.”
• “Poker is like sex: everyone thinks they’re the best, but most people don’t have a clue what they’re doing. “
• “What is the difference between praying in a church and praying in a casino? In a casino you really mean it! That’s how the biggest wins are made.”
• “One does not simply pull four Aces and a King.”
• “Poker face. Get it ready before you stash the Aces up your sleeve.”

5. Q&A Type Gambling Jokes

Being able to communicate is essential. Being able to ask the correct questions can save you’re your life. Combine this with real events in casinos, and you will get incredible gambling jokes. The following question-answer one-liners can tell a whole story in a couple of sentences. Those are the last hilarious casino jokes we have prepared for you but don’t forget to read our FAQ section and get even more answers to often asked questions about card jokes, and gambling humor.

• How do you get 80 nice old ladies to curse at the same time? – Yell “Bingo!“
• Why didn’t the casino hire the T-rex? – They didn’t want to hire a small arms dealer.
• Why are dogs bad poker players? – They wag their tails when getting good cards.
• How do you go out of a casino as a millionaire? – You go in as a billionaire.
• How I lost 100 pounds in one day? – Had a bad day at the casino.
• Why was the dietitian kicked out of the casino? – He was caught counting carbs.
• Did you hear about the blonde who brought a bag of frozen French fries to a poker game? – Someone told her to bring her own chips.
• How can you always break even at the casino? – Play the change machine.
• What’s a poker dealer’s favourite song? “Everyday I’m shuffling“.
• I bet you I could stop gambling.

Gambling and Card Jokes FAQ

Gambling and card jokes appeared with the first gambling games. Ever since the start, casino employees, players, and observers have witnessed curious and hilarious situations that worth sharing. At the end of our article, we will answer some interesting questions about gambling puns and card jokes.

🃏 What do you mean by gambling and card jokes?

They are jokes about gambling with players, casino employees, and gambling games. Some of the puns are very old, while other events happened not so long ago. We have shared some gambling stories and anecdotes. Keep in mind that some stories are made up and do not reflect real events or people. It is all for laughs, no harm done.

🤡 Who creates gambling and card jokes?

Casino Gambling Pictures

In one word – life. The world of gambling involves thousands of players and even more employees of the gaming and gambling rooms. The interaction of all those people creates situations that give birth to gambling humor clever one-liners. Some witty people even create stories fairy-tale and fictional characters to make more people laugh.

🙊 Are there offensive gambling and card jokes?

Gambling jokes are created by funny interactions or weird events that leave everyone laughing. One of the winning practices in many card games (disapproved by many) is to defeat your opponent by bringing down their self-esteem. Their dark sense of humour and quick thought can create memorable roasts and.

🙃 Why are there so many memes of gambling and card jokes?

People love casino jokes and stories, but they rarely have time to read long texts. And as we know, a picture tells a thousand words. Smart people put two and two together and began creating gambling cartoons, poker, and card joke memes. Here are few of the gambling memes you can find online.

🤣 Do gamblers like gambling and card jokes?

Judging by the famous players' card jokes, quotes and puns - yes. It is hard to be ready to play and lose an amount that can buy a Ferrari and not be able to laugh about it. Players spend hours on end together. Telling gambling or card jokes is essential to keep the good mood during the game.